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A Dispatch from the Front Lines of Sibling Squabbles
If you have more than one child, you know there are two distinct states of being in your home: a beautiful, harmonious peace that makes your heart swell, and the chaotic, nonsensical noise of two (or more!) tiny humans arguing over absolutely nothing at all.
In our house, we have a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old girl. Most of the time, they are the best of friends. She looks up to her big brother like he’s a superhero, eager to follow him on any adventure. He, in turn, does his best to be a protective leader, either letting her in on his grand games or using her as a loyal worker bee (“Oh, get me this, help me hold that!”). It’s genuinely sweet.
However, for all the time they spend playing nicely, they are also masters of what I call “The Art of Arguing Over Nothing.” Whether it’s a routine they’ve decided must be contested, or one of them is just tired and grumpy, the arguments that erupt are both maddening and, I must admit, secretly hilarious. In their little minds, the issue at hand is earth-shattering, a world-about-to-explode level of emergency. For me? It’s pure comedy.
Case Study #1: The High-Stakes World of Dental Hygiene
Twice a day, every single day, we have “The Toothbrush Tussle.” As soon as we announce it’s time to brush teeth, our little three-year-old launches herself towards the bathroom in a wobbly, determined run, screaming, “I want to be first! Me First!”
If it looks like her brother has beaten her to it, all hell breaks loose. You’d think he had just been handed the keys to the kingdom. Tears, screams, and accusations of “he’s being mean!” fill the air. This scene plays out multiple times a week, and I find it hugely amusing for one simple reason. She doesn’t even brush her own teeth yet. I have to do it for her! Her stubborn insistence on claiming pole position is a mystery for the ages. And more often than not, I have to race after her to make sure she doesn’t fall over while doing her mad dash, and help her up the bathroom stool so I can have the pleasure of helping her brush her teeth.
Her brother, of course, knows this is a touchy subject. Sometimes he’ll try to sneak in there first, and the resulting ruckus is epic. Lots of screaming, finger pointing and sometimes even pushing from the three-year-old to try and reclaim her rightful spot at the front of the toothbrush queue. Emotions run high in this high-stakes dental exercise. I remember it wasn’t long ago when both the little monsters didn’t even want to brush their teeth. How times have changed… Sigh, I’m such a bad parent for finding it all so funny.
Case Study #2: The Great Stool Standoff
In our kitchen, there is a simple step stool. Its official purpose is to help short adults (me) reach high shelves. Its unofficial purpose is to serve as a royal viewing platform for the children. I’m almost surprised they haven’t given our kitchen stool a name yet, with how attached they have become to it.
Our six-year-old, having used it for years, naturally believes it is his god-given right to occupy it at all times. The problem is, he’s now tall enough to see onto the bench without it. His little sister, however, is not. This leads to an endless cycle of her trying to push him off or squirm her way in front of him. I’m not sure what’s so fascinating about me chopping onions or making coffee, but to them, it’s front-row entertainment. Especially the coffee making, I run the steam wand to clean it before and after use, and the steam that shoots out is like a highly rated pay per view TV series that the kids just can’t miss.
The battles we’ve had over this stool have been legendary. There have been falls from pushing and shoving, there have been floods of tears, and in those rare, magical moments where the stars align, there has even been sharing. It’s another one of those hilarious, nothing fights that define our days.
It’s More Than Just Noise
These are just two of the random things our kids argue about, the list is endless. And while they can be an absolute handful in the moment, I find myself cherishing these ridiculous little memories.
I have to believe they’re learning something, right? Maybe it’s the basics of negotiation and influence. Or maybe it’s just how to push and shove effectively. A little bit of sibling rivalry is healthy, I tell myself. (We do, of course, step in and tell them off when things get too wild).
But when the house is quiet at night, I think about these moments, and I can’t help but smile. It’s these simple, chaotic, frustrating, and funny little things that truly make me happy. Cherish these silly moments, as kids grow up so fast these days, some of these will be a blink and we’ll miss it type of thing.
Now, It’s Your Turn!
I’m sure our house isn’t the only one that moonlights as a debate club for the nonsensical. I’d love to hear your stories! What are some of the silliest things your kids argue over? Feel free to share your own hard-learned lessons in the comments below! Kids are just so funny sometimes.
P.S. For those of you with just one child who doesn’t have to argue with a sibling, be grateful. Be very grateful. Your ears thank you for the peace and quiet.
